Good morning Ladies and Gentlemen.
I can’t overstate how honoured I am to have been invited to share my experiences and viewpoints with young ladies
in Nigeria today. I want to thank the EVERY GIRL EMPOWERED FOUNDATION for selecting me as a keynote
speaker to the foundation’s launch event, and I would especially like to thank Mrs. Bolajoko Bayo-Ajayi who
personally invited me. Thank you Mrs. Bayo-Ajayi for finding me interesting enough to headline this august
occasion.
I connect deeply with the objective of empowering young girls to find their voices and building up their confidence
to become effective global leaders in the future. I too am on that journey of acquiring and maintaining my own voice
as I navigate my career path and life mission.. I fundamentally believe it is a lifelong pursuit of excellence.
I would also like to thank all of the young girls here today who want to learn and who strive to be the best that they
can be. The journey has already started for you as you blossom into young ladies learning in school and learning in
life along the way. These are the very exciting and fun years of life and I sometimes wish that I could be young
again with the knowledge that I have now. Thank you again for listening to my story.
I will respectfully conclude my thank you’s with “ALL PROTOCOLS OBSERVED” in the hopes of not offending
anyone. I am clear that it is very important to greet your elders, peers and juniors properly. Not only in the Nigerian
context but also from the standpoint of showing respect to one another and extending courtesy to those around you.
It speaks volumes so let this be the first lesson that I extend to the younger ladies in this room. Always remember to
be respectful, kind and polite. It never hurts.
When I began thinking about how to address you all today and how to provide some insights into approaching your
own lives and careers ahead of you, I thought that I would use the art of story-telling. I find that people connect
deeply with the stories of others and although everyone has a different life, we can always learn from one another’s
experiences.
I too was once a young girl (I like to believe that I am still young, even though someone recently told me that at 40, I
no longer qualify for that description!) I understand the responsibility that has been placed before me because you
are in your formative years and probably searching for answers to a number of questions. Feel free to ask me any
questions after my story as I’d be happy to respond to any of them no matter how personal they might be.
I am undoubtedly blessed to have been born in this age of fantastic achievement for women and girls around the
world. So many women have come before me and exhibited their greatness; some on the international stage such as
Hillary Clinton who is running for President of the United States of America today and Margaret Thatcher who was
Prime Minister of the United Kingdom years ago and others on the smaller stage such as my grandmother, Esohe
Ogbebor, who hailed from Benin City and was a formidable force to be reckoned with owning local abattoirs and
running a savings & loans cooperative for rural market women. There are women like Sheryl Sandberg at Facebook
and Bola Adesola at Standard Chartered Bank here in Lagos who are demonstrating that women can hold highlevel
positions with grace, dignity, and excellence. Yes, grace, dignity and excellence. I chose those words very
carefully. There is an elegance in rising to the top with your name and reputation intact.
Please always remember that. I am sure that the name you bear has a meaning as our culture generally encourages
this practice. Understand what your name means and endeavor to live up to it.
Money may come and go but your name is priceless. Your name was bestowed upon you with love and affection so
cherish it with your actions and words. It will dictate every opportunity that comes before you. Please don’t forget
the value of your name and that of your parents.
I am passionate about women like those that I mentioned just now because they give me hope that with
determination, focus, faith, hope, hard-work, and resilience, I too can accomplish anything that I set my mind to.
But as we know, everything isn’t rosy for girls and women around the world. This is a sad fact. For every Angela
Merkel, the Chancellor of Germany, there are thousands of girls in the developing world for whom basic education
is a luxury. For every girl sitting in this room with parents who love and support you, there are millions of girls your
age whose parents, due to extreme poverty, cannot afford to buy them the feminine hygiene products they need as
they make the pilgrimage into womanhood. For every time that you get to watch TV or use an iPad, there are
thousands of girls your age who are being forced into early marriages or denied access to basic healthcare.
Make no mistake, you are fortunate and blessed and you simply must have a plan to use those blessings to enrich
others and pave the way for more young girls to have even greater opportunities than you have.
So I promised to use the art of story-telling to impart some lessons to you today.
So let’s begin:
I am a 40-year-old investment banker whose mother is half Edo and half Yoruba, and whose father is from Niger
state. To crown it all, my husband is Igbo. So you can say that I don’t see tribal differences because I have three
young sons who have Igbo, Edo, Hausa and Yoruba blood and deep names to go with each tribal affiliation. We are
Nigerian first in our family and our core value is love. So my first lesson to you is that you should always seek the
shared perspective. Find the ways that you have something in common with people and don’t focus on what sets you
apart. You will find that you are more effective in working with people once you see the areas of similarities.
Collaboration is the word we use to describe working across boundaries in an effective way. It produces a better
result when different people work together well. It’s where the saying “two heads are better than one” comes from.
It’s true.
I am the mother of three sons, which for me is interesting being that I am the only female in my household. As a
feminist, I am grateful for the unique opportunity that I have been given to shape the views of the next generation of
men through my sons. I will consider myself a success when my sons grow into men who believe that all women,
including their own wives and daughters, should have equal access to everything that men do – education, property,
wealth, inheritance, career goals and anything else..
I was born in the United States when my parents relocated there after the civil war in Nigeria. I was an only child
and when my parents divorced I was raised by a determined single mother. I attended secondary school in Lagos,
Queens College to be exact, and it was around this time that my awareness of being a girl / lady / woman really
came to the fore. Attending an all-girls school showed me the best and worst of being a young girl. Young girls can
be WICKED! Young girls say the meanest things to each other and bring each other down. This doesn’t get better
with age actually. We need to understand that working together is what makes us all BETTER. This wasn’t a lesson
that I learned early enough. I sincerely hope that no one in this room engages in what we call “women on women”
crime or in this case “girl on girl” crime. Not only isn’t it nice, it indicates a level of insecurity that could remain with
you for years. Communication is key. If someone has upset you, speak TO them. Not ABOUT them. Gossiping is
always fun until you are the target. It’s not fun when you are the subject of people’s jokes and games. So let’s be
sensitive the next time someone tells a joke about someone else – be it a girl or a boy. It’s gracious to walk away
from trivial talk. You might not see it now but it will frame your future. There is honor in choosing the right actions
even though the crowd doesn’t.
There is dignity in distinguishing yourself from the crowd. It will set you up for success in years to come. Just because
everyone is doing something doesn’t make it right. You must have a mind of your own. Be an independent thinker
because sometimes You Are Enough. I did not learn this lesson until recently so please don’t spend the next 25 years
repeating my mistakes. Use your own judgment and establish your answers according to your conscience. Permit me
to get slightly spiritual here but my faith has increasingly become the foundation of my actions. I always think – what
would God think as I’m doing this? I often make mistakes and mistakes are normal because we grow from them but
you should take your time before making decisions about everything in life unless your life literally depends on your
making a quick decision.
Because I grew up without a father figure, I literally had to take God as my in-house father. I often use the
barometer – what would my heavenly Father think about this action that I am about to take? If you use these lens,
you can rarely fail and if you do, your intent was good. So ladies, do more at supporting each other. It starts from
you. Every single one of you needs help from the other, be it with schoolwork or advice. It’s admirable to help and
you will be helped in your own time of need. I have found this to be the case throughout my youth in secondary
school up until today. We have communities of support closest to us – our friends, sisters, mothers, aunties,
grandmothers – ask if you’re not sure. I still seek advice and I find that women in my similar position – married,
working with children can understand my unique challenges. Again, let me reiterate, ask if you’re not sure. It
doesn’t show weakness but rather strength. Vulnerability isn’t weakness. It illustrates that you want to make the
right decision and there is nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it.
Now let me talk about boys. I know what it’s like to be 11 through 15. Your bodies are developing and your
hormones are raging . The boys are looking. The school uniforms start getting shorter and / or tighter. The childish
chatting begins and then things can quickly get complicated. I know what you’re experiencing because I have been
there before. I am very lucky and thankful to my mother for being insanely strict. I think my mother was so afraid of
having a spoiled teenage daughter that she went overboard in her protections and for this I am grateful. I couldn’t
paint my finger nails, wear makeup or perm my hair until I was in university. There was a time in form 3 that my
friends all went to a concert late at night and my mother imposed an 8 PM curfew! I was distraught, maybe even
hysterical. But she didn’t care how I felt and she was right. Why should a 13 year old be out until 2 am? It makes no
sense now that I am 40 that I would have the audacity to request this at 13! The world presents so many poor
options many of which FEEL and SEEM like good options. What you are feeling is natural and it will take selfcontrol
and the strictness of those around you to prevent you from putting yourself in harm’s way.
As I have previously mentioned, I am now married with three children so it all kind of worked out. There is a time for every
thing. There is a season for all things. This season that you are in is for studying and preparing yourselves for
greatness. Perhaps I didn’t go to a night club until I was in university. Perhaps I wasn’t the cool girl in school but
I’m perfectly happy with where I am today.
Think about the type of woman that you want to be in 20 years and that should set the tone for the way you
SHOULD and MUST conduct yourself today. Preserve yourself and your dignity. Believe that you are special and
uniquely created to use your God given talents for God’s glory here on earth. If you believe that deeply NOW, you
will be anything that you want to be. I promise you that.
You can do anything that you set your mind to. Just believe and then work harder than everyone around you. Don’t
take no for an answer. When I graduated from Queen’s College, my mother wanted me to attend the University of
Massachusetts because it was a state school and it was cheap. I knew that I, Aisha Kolo (which is my maiden name)
wasn’t made for an educational choice just because it was cheap. There was no doubt in my mind that I was meant
to be Ivy League educated. So I applied to Cornell University and I got in. I then applied for scholarships, school
loans and worked several odd and unpleasant jobs to pay my way by myself. I was a sheer force to be reckoned with
because I was driven and I have remained that way. You must drive yourself ladies. Be the engine of your own drive.
Don’t let the many distractions in life redirect your attention from where you are meant to be going.
You can be who you want to be. When I graduated, I got one of the most coveted analyst jobs at Goldman Sachs in
New York. One of my white male peers from school suggested that I was given this role because I was black and
female. He was implying that I didn’t deserve it. I didn’t let him or his judgment of me shake my joy or my
confidence. Rather I knew he was envious because he didn’t get a job at a major Wall Street firm. I didn’t let it stop
me for a minute. Be the author of your own story. Don’t let someone else tell you why you are this way or that way
or why you have or don’t have something. Define yourself and control your own story through your thoughts and
actions. Please don’t let what people say to you affect your focus or your goals. You don’t know how they were raised
and you don’t know the problems they are dealing with. Keep your eyes on the prize and stay determined. Don’t let
noise get in your way. Stay focused and stay hungry.
Speaking of hunger, I’m not talking about a physiological condition. It is a state of being. A hungry person is
someone that works as though they don’t have a safety net. As though they have no protections. Do you know what
a safety net is? For now, it’s your parents and your family members who ensure that your school fees are paid, that
you have a roof over your head and that you are fed. You should responsibly assume that someday this financial
support will stop. This is only natural and highly encouraged. You don’t want to be a child forever. It is a badge of
honor to get to the day where you can assist your parents with their own financial obligations. As you are scaling the
walls of your own accomplishments and attaining your goals, your parents and family members will be your
cheerleaders. Make them proud with your achievements but most of all make yourself proud. You should find the
things that drive you. Motivate yourself to be the best that you can be. Don’t compare yourself to others! You are
too good for that. You are uniquely and perfectly made in God’s image. Your path is different from that of the girl
sitting beside you. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do something. If you desire it, pursue it.
Confidence building is tricky. Even adults have issues with it.
The strength to be confident comes from within but it can often be affected by external attacks. Try your best to shield yourself from those attacks. They come from
unexpectedly odd places. Often times, people don’t even know that they are chipping away at your confidence
because they are limited in their own thinking. Don’t allow other people’s small thinking to limit your own plans.
Read more. Explore more. You generation has the internet which I didn’t have growing up. I didn’t understand
the full realm of career options that were available to me. In those days it was just “Sciences” or “Arts”. It wasn’t
until I got to university that I understood that I could pick from hundreds of careers. Do your research and start
now. Be hungry ladies. Read. Research. Ask questions. Think for yourself. Desire the world so that you can make
it a better place not just so that you can have money. Listen to your inner voice. Often it will tell you when you are
going in the wrong direction. Plan for your future from now. WHAT do you want to be? WHO do you want to
be? WHAT do you want to learn? How can you acquire that knowledge? Knowledge is power. Ask questions. Be
voracious in your pursuit of information. Treat yourself like the precious jewel that you are and then demand that
everyone does the same. You don’t have to have the answers now after all you are all under the age of 16. But if
you start thinking about these questions and thinking about the potential answers, maybe you will arrive at the right
conclusions at the perfect time.
I’d like to end my speech with a quote from Marianne Williamson who is an American spiritual author. I thought it
was a perfect way to end this discussion:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our
light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented,
fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant
to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of
us: It is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the
same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberators others.”
Thank you once again for the opportunity to launch the Every Girl Empowered Foundation.